Why is it that it is the worst circumstances that bring us to God?
Why does it take toil and anguish? Why not when things are going well, when the bank account is full, the family is happy, when we are fully healthy?
It's not until we get out of the way that we are finally dependant on Him.
Because salvation belongs to the Lord.
Jonah 2
Like Jonah - in the dark - far more than you can handle, out of control, miserable. In way over your head. You know, those moments when you ...
Just. Can't. Fake. It. Anymore.
GOD brings us there.
I don't know about you, but I'm so grateful that He would not let me falsely believe I am okay without Him.
In the belly of the fish Jonah remembers God. And he cries out... he lifts his praise.
While he is still in the belly of the beast.
Whaat? Yes.
He doesn't know God will deliver him.
He simply recognised - God is HOLY.
He lifted up God's word - those precious words that were buried in his heart.
He gave up ... on himself. And WORSHIPPED.
It is a good day when we fully acknowledge our need for God.
Salvation belongs to the Lord.
The sailors couldn't save Jonah... they tried.
The fish couldn't save Jonah... it was a miracle.
Jonah couldn't save Jonah...
Salvation
Belongs
to the
Lord!
Wednesday, November 6, 2019
Monday, June 13, 2016
Overflow
With some big projects on my plate today, and requests coming
at me from out of the woodwork, I have
to stop and remember -
Overload is my killer.
But God loves me so much, he’ll
take care of all the details, if I let him.
So, I don’t have to be overloaded… I can be overflowing.
I also thought about this
journey I am on. I don’t have to strain to accomplish wellness or holiness. He who works
without strain will do the work in and with me.
Maybe someone else needs to remember this
today, too.
The below excerpt is from "Streams in the Desert" (emphasis mine):
"And he saw them toiling in rowing" (Mark 6:48).
Straining, driving effort does not accomplish the work God gives man to do. Only God Himself, who always works without strain, and who never overworks, can do the work that He assigns to His children. When they restfully trust Him to do it, it will be well done and completely done.
The way to let Him do His work
through us is to
partake of Christ so fully, by faith, that He more than fills
our life.
A man who had learned this secret once said: "I came to Jesus and I drank, and I do not think that I shall ever be thirsty again. I have taken for my motto, 'Not overwork, but overflow'; and already it has made all the difference in my life."
There
is no effort in overflow.
It is quietly irresistible.
It is the normal life of
omnipotent and ceaseless accomplishment
into which Christ invites us today and
always.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Holiness
Themes, resolutions, decisions, plans, goals; a New Year.
It all escapes me, sometimes. There's a part of me that wants to jump in, with both feet and a big splash. "It's a great time to start something new - fresh - clean!" Yep. I get that. I love it - really, I do. New Years IS a time to reset parts of your life - or, your WHOLE life, if so inclined.
Aaand, so is any other day. So, a part of me feels like the hoopla of New Year's resolutions is simply - recycled. Doomed for a crash and burn. What a party-pooper. I know. So - for a moment I'm going to think of New Year's Day as any other day - and think of it in the most uncynical of ways. EVERY DAY is NEW.
One this new day, I am hearing a voice. The voice of my King calling me to something that is quite daunting. Holiness. As a believer and follower of Christ, I know that this pursuit is many things; challenging, required, worthwhile, hard but good. Lately, I have become aware of a new way to look at it. Attainable.
I've bought into a lie that holiness IS perfect behaviour - or perfect behaviour is holiness - and that, I know, is NOT attainable in this life. So, I compromise. Daily. Multiple times daily. Perfect behaviour - sinlessness - is not attainable. This is a fact. I know that Christ has made ME, my spirit, perfect through his sacrifice. I have been redeemed. My slate is washed clean. But I dirty it all of the time. And His grace is there to wipe it clean again.
Here's the thing i'm beginning to see more clearly. I CAN do things to keep from dirtying my slate. Or in another way of looking at it; My vessel - that which the Holy Spirit has entered through my declaration of accepting Jesus' sacrifice, and surrendering to His Lordship - can be kept clean. My earnest endeavors to live in a godly manner ARE seen by my Father, and He delights in them.
It's an interesting blend of facts. I cannot make myself holy. I cannot present a clean vessel in order to earn my way into the kingdom. Only by accepting Jesus sacrifice, making Him Lord in my life brings me into the citizenship of His kingdom. Only this will make me a daughter of the One True God - Father. But in my devotion, in my obedience - out of love born from this immeasurable gift - I can, through the power of grace and the constant direction of the Holy Spirit, make the decisions, work or abstain, and live in such a manner that keeps my vessel clean. My heart - His home.
He is coming for a holy bride, yes? He is. So this holiness is not unattainable. That simple fact alone has sparked a flame in me to pursue being this bride He comes for.
It all escapes me, sometimes. There's a part of me that wants to jump in, with both feet and a big splash. "It's a great time to start something new - fresh - clean!" Yep. I get that. I love it - really, I do. New Years IS a time to reset parts of your life - or, your WHOLE life, if so inclined.
Aaand, so is any other day. So, a part of me feels like the hoopla of New Year's resolutions is simply - recycled. Doomed for a crash and burn. What a party-pooper. I know. So - for a moment I'm going to think of New Year's Day as any other day - and think of it in the most uncynical of ways. EVERY DAY is NEW.
One this new day, I am hearing a voice. The voice of my King calling me to something that is quite daunting. Holiness. As a believer and follower of Christ, I know that this pursuit is many things; challenging, required, worthwhile, hard but good. Lately, I have become aware of a new way to look at it. Attainable.
I've bought into a lie that holiness IS perfect behaviour - or perfect behaviour is holiness - and that, I know, is NOT attainable in this life. So, I compromise. Daily. Multiple times daily. Perfect behaviour - sinlessness - is not attainable. This is a fact. I know that Christ has made ME, my spirit, perfect through his sacrifice. I have been redeemed. My slate is washed clean. But I dirty it all of the time. And His grace is there to wipe it clean again.
Here's the thing i'm beginning to see more clearly. I CAN do things to keep from dirtying my slate. Or in another way of looking at it; My vessel - that which the Holy Spirit has entered through my declaration of accepting Jesus' sacrifice, and surrendering to His Lordship - can be kept clean. My earnest endeavors to live in a godly manner ARE seen by my Father, and He delights in them.
It's an interesting blend of facts. I cannot make myself holy. I cannot present a clean vessel in order to earn my way into the kingdom. Only by accepting Jesus sacrifice, making Him Lord in my life brings me into the citizenship of His kingdom. Only this will make me a daughter of the One True God - Father. But in my devotion, in my obedience - out of love born from this immeasurable gift - I can, through the power of grace and the constant direction of the Holy Spirit, make the decisions, work or abstain, and live in such a manner that keeps my vessel clean. My heart - His home.
He is coming for a holy bride, yes? He is. So this holiness is not unattainable. That simple fact alone has sparked a flame in me to pursue being this bride He comes for.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Connecting the Dots
A few weeks ago, I posted that picture on Instagram of the several books I was currently reading and the connection God made through my browsing them, and was asked what that was. It’s nothing really that significant to any but myself, but I wanted to share anyway! It’s taken me this long to sit down and write it out, partly because what seemed easy to connect in my mind at the time, I found, was more difficult to articulate on paper! So – here goes…
As background - Years ago, in a time of deep questioning, I shocked myself … horrified myself, really… with a possibility that rocked me to my core. “What if ‘this’-- my faith, my belief, everything I think understand about God isn’t true?
What if God – wasn't?”
Because of the wounds of spiritual abuse, because of the daily engagement with secular reasoning, because of my own pain, I began to wonder if any of it was real. What if I had it all wrong – what if there was no Gospel… no hope? What would that mean? I literally had to start all over again.
It started with considering HOW I got to be on this planet. Really – even more basic than that… how I got to BE at all. It was about that time I found a book called, “The Right Questions; Truth, Meaning and Public Debate” by Phillip E. Johnson. There were actually a myriad of things that God used at that time, radio shows, magazine articles, movie lines… He often does that to me - come at me from all sorts of angles. The book, though, was a definite fulcrum point. Through careful and logical reasoning, the author (and debater) helped me to reconstruct my belief in the core truth that we are created beings. And if we are created, there is a creator. And if there is a creator, we are created for a reason. Who is this intelligent designer, and what is his purpose – what is my reason for being?
With the “HOW I got to be here” out of the way, I could focus on the “WHY am I here?”. That, as you know, is a life-long adventure. In the years since my deep questioning, He has led me to CS Lewis, Brennan Manning, and countless others – Mike Bullmore and Crossway Church (“preach the gospel to yourself every day!”, “we are all far more depraved than we can bear to consider, and we are all far more loved than we can dare to hope”), Doug and Grant and Valleybrook – with the Rejection series and understanding what a God-Created identity is; Ted Dekker’s fabulous stories that resound with unfathomable love of the “Great Romance”, and being a “Water Walker” and “Outlaw” through the unimaginable power of forgiveness and trust. They have been resources, oasis’, for my journey – and it’s an amazing journey – that journey to wholeness, wellness, and perfection. The years of deep questioning have taken on a new perspective. Now I SEEK deeply. I am a seeker. It is a part of who I am. Seeking always starts with questions. Questions are no longer to be feared – because it means I get to seek, and find what God has for me.
But some days, the original question – the great doubt, I call it now – comes. What if? I know it’s the enemy. Because he comes with shame. Shame that I even think such doubts. It’s like a sucker punch. He brings the doubt to mind, then shames me for it.
So on January 1st, after unearthing a box that had been languishing for 3 years in our attic from the move, I got a pack of my favorite resources together and started browsing. Little did I know God wanted to remind me of something I already knew, and challenge me with something new to seek. I read these things:
“Jesus Calling” – Jan 1 –
Come to me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead seek my face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite! I know and understand you completely; My thoughts embrace you in everlasting love. I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future. Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to my presence.
Okay then… what have you got for me, God? So I picked up another book…
“The Right Questions” –
Foreword; pg 16 -17
With Christians tangled in endless arguments over Genesis 1, Johnson redirected the debate along fruitful lines by jumping over Genesis and focusing on John 1:1, “in the beginning was the Word” – the logos – the Greek word for reason, intelligence, rationality, information. The great confrontation in science today is between those who say life can be explained without recourse to reason or intelligence, and those who say life embodies information – the Word – and must be explained as the product of an intelligent agent…
…In all cases where we know the source of information, like books and computer programs and musical scores, that source is an intelligent agent. It is logical to conclude that the source of information in living things is likewise intelligent.
Pg 62 -64
The most important Scripture about creation teaches us not about the historical details but about the meaning of creation. … “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God . All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.”.
In the beginning was the Word – Is that true or false? Is it fact or pious platitude? I find that many intelligent people, even devout Christians are amazed to be asked such a question. They are taught to assume that “in the beginning was the Word” belongs to the category of religion, and so it is a kind of noncognitive utterance to which evaluative terms like ‘true’ and ‘false’ do not apply. …
…There is an unacknowledged creation story that is at the root of all secular learning which is the precise opposite of John 1:1 in every way. You will probably never hear this creation story told forthrightly at Harvard or Berkley, because to state its elements explicitly would be to reveal that it is merely one creation story and that it is possible to conceive of another. A foundational story is much more powerful when it is pervasively assumed, so that its elements are never evaluated and it appears to be an unavoidable implication of reason itself. The materialist story is the foundation of all education in all the departments at all the secular universities, but they do not spell it out. It is: “In the beginning were the particles and the impersonal laws of physics. And the particles somehow became complex living stuff; and the stuff imagined God; But then discovered evolution.”
That is the basic story of evolutionary naturalism, or scientific materialism. There was no “Word” – no intelligence or purpose – at the beginning. Only the laws and the particles existed, and these two things plus chance had to do all the creating. Without them nothing was made that has been made. The particles combined to become complex living stuff through a process of evolution that involved only chemical combinations governed by chance and natural law. God did not create man; it is the other way around. Having evolved from animals by a mindless natural process, but not having science to tell them what had happened, primitive human beings relied on their uninformed imagination to create God.
(The Right Questions is a book that I HIGHLY recommend to anyone wanting to understand how to logically and intellectually bring the “wedge of truth” into any atheistic, agnostic or evolutionary conversation.) Just those few paragraphs reminded me of the beautiful conciseness of the logic of our creation – and the existence of a force beyond our comprehension… but not so far beyond our comprehension that we can’t know Him… God.
I then picked up a new book, recommended by my Dad, “Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus – A Devout Muslim Encounters Christianity”, by Nabeel Qureshi. I read the first few pages:
Pg 21-22
I lay prostrate in a large Muslim prayer hall, broken before God. The edifice of my worldview, all I had ever known, had slowly been dismantled over the past few years. On this day, my world came crashing down. I lay in ruin, seeking Allah.
…With my forehead pressed into the ground and heart pounding in my chest, my mind scrutinized each word my lips whispered into the musty carpet…
…subhana rabbi al-ala.
Glorified is my Lord, the Highest.
“Glorified is my Lord.. who is my Lord? Who are you Lord? Are you Allah, the God of my father and forefathers? Are you the God I have always worshiped? … You are Allah the God of Islam, aren’t You? Or are You?” I hesitated, fighting the blasphemy I was about to propose. But what if the blasphemy was the truth?
“Or are you Jesus?”
My heart froze, as if indignant at my mind for risking hell. “Allah, I would never say that a man became equal to you! Please forgive me and have mercy on me if that’s what I said, because that’s not what I mean. No man is equal to You. You are infinitely greater than all of creation. Everything bows down before You, Allah subhanahu wa’tala.”
“No, what I mean to say is that You, O Allah, are all powerful. Surely You can enter into creation if You choose. Did You enter into this world? Did you become a man? And was that man Jesus? OH Allah! The Bible couldn’t be right, could it?”
As if on parallel timelines, my lips continued to pray in sajda while my mind relentlessly fought with itself. The Arabic phrase was to be recited twice more before the sajda would be complete.
Sabhana rabbi al-ala.
Glorified is my Lord, the Highest.
“But how is it conceivable that Allah, the highest being of all, would enter in to this world? This world is filthy and sinful, no place for the One who deserves all glory and all praise. And how could I even begin to suggest that God, the magnificent and splendid Creator, would enter into this world through the birth canal of a girl? Audhu billah, that’s disgusting! To have to eat, to grow fatigued, and to sweat and spill blood and to be finally nailed to a cross. I cannot believe this. God deserves infinitely more. His majesty is far greater than this.
“But what if his majesty is not as important to him as his children are?”
Whoa! I could resonate with the struggle of doubt. Nabeel’s struggle was of a different topic, but here was a seeker, like me. I loved that. And I loved that line, “What if His majesty is not as important to Him as His children are?”
Pressing on, I grabbed “The Weight of Glory” by CS Lewis and read the chapter titled, “Is Theology Poetry”. It is far too much to dictate here. Suffice it to say, it is a superb articulation of the substance of Christianity, while maintaining that mystery, beauty and glory - in all its poetry - is intrinsic to what we believe. Without it, we are bland creatures, to say the least. The beauty, mystery and glory is in the deepest character of God. Glorified is my Lord, the Highest… Indeed! What a gift to me… God was making himself very real to me this morning. What do I do with all of this confirmation of the REALNESS - the deepness - of God? I picked up “Ruthless Trust”, by Brennan Manning and read in the very first chapter:
Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for the love of it. (!)
… Trust is that rare and priceless treasure that wins us the affection of our heavenly Father. For this it has both charm and fascination. Among his countless children, whom he so greatly loves and whom he heaps with tenderness and favors, there are few indeed, who truly trusting themselves to him, live as veritable children of God. There are as few who respond to his goodness by a trust at once filial and unshaken. And so it is that we welcomes with a love of predilection those souls, all too few in number, who in adversity as in joy, in tribulation and consolation, unfalteringly trust in his paternal love. Such souls truly delight and give immense pleasure to the heart of their heavenly Father. There is nothing he is not prepared to give them. “Ask of me half of my Kingdom”, he cries to the trusting soul, and “I will give it to you!”
I just sat on the couch and cried for the love of it all!
And thus, was a tapestry of truth woven into my being! These previously unconnected truths at once amalgamated into a beautiful continuity of His profound design of, love for and favor in me! How can I not seek everything He has for me? Last year I was called to seek healing – whatever it takes. And while that continues, this year, it is clear I am called to seek a ruthless trust… wherever it leads me. As Brennan Manning says, “it requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us.”
So – God… give me courage, because here we go!
Deep is calling unto deep. I am to seek him, trust Him, to His very depths.
As background - Years ago, in a time of deep questioning, I shocked myself … horrified myself, really… with a possibility that rocked me to my core. “What if ‘this’-- my faith, my belief, everything I think understand about God isn’t true?
What if God – wasn't?”
Because of the wounds of spiritual abuse, because of the daily engagement with secular reasoning, because of my own pain, I began to wonder if any of it was real. What if I had it all wrong – what if there was no Gospel… no hope? What would that mean? I literally had to start all over again.
It started with considering HOW I got to be on this planet. Really – even more basic than that… how I got to BE at all. It was about that time I found a book called, “The Right Questions; Truth, Meaning and Public Debate” by Phillip E. Johnson. There were actually a myriad of things that God used at that time, radio shows, magazine articles, movie lines… He often does that to me - come at me from all sorts of angles. The book, though, was a definite fulcrum point. Through careful and logical reasoning, the author (and debater) helped me to reconstruct my belief in the core truth that we are created beings. And if we are created, there is a creator. And if there is a creator, we are created for a reason. Who is this intelligent designer, and what is his purpose – what is my reason for being?
With the “HOW I got to be here” out of the way, I could focus on the “WHY am I here?”. That, as you know, is a life-long adventure. In the years since my deep questioning, He has led me to CS Lewis, Brennan Manning, and countless others – Mike Bullmore and Crossway Church (“preach the gospel to yourself every day!”, “we are all far more depraved than we can bear to consider, and we are all far more loved than we can dare to hope”), Doug and Grant and Valleybrook – with the Rejection series and understanding what a God-Created identity is; Ted Dekker’s fabulous stories that resound with unfathomable love of the “Great Romance”, and being a “Water Walker” and “Outlaw” through the unimaginable power of forgiveness and trust. They have been resources, oasis’, for my journey – and it’s an amazing journey – that journey to wholeness, wellness, and perfection. The years of deep questioning have taken on a new perspective. Now I SEEK deeply. I am a seeker. It is a part of who I am. Seeking always starts with questions. Questions are no longer to be feared – because it means I get to seek, and find what God has for me.
But some days, the original question – the great doubt, I call it now – comes. What if? I know it’s the enemy. Because he comes with shame. Shame that I even think such doubts. It’s like a sucker punch. He brings the doubt to mind, then shames me for it.
So on January 1st, after unearthing a box that had been languishing for 3 years in our attic from the move, I got a pack of my favorite resources together and started browsing. Little did I know God wanted to remind me of something I already knew, and challenge me with something new to seek. I read these things:
“Jesus Calling” – Jan 1 –
Come to me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead seek my face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As you focus your thoughts on Me, be aware that I am fully attentive to you. I see you with a steady eye, because My attention span is infinite! I know and understand you completely; My thoughts embrace you in everlasting love. I also know the plans I have for you: plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future. Give yourself fully to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to my presence.
Okay then… what have you got for me, God? So I picked up another book…
“The Right Questions” –
Foreword; pg 16 -17
With Christians tangled in endless arguments over Genesis 1, Johnson redirected the debate along fruitful lines by jumping over Genesis and focusing on John 1:1, “in the beginning was the Word” – the logos – the Greek word for reason, intelligence, rationality, information. The great confrontation in science today is between those who say life can be explained without recourse to reason or intelligence, and those who say life embodies information – the Word – and must be explained as the product of an intelligent agent…
…In all cases where we know the source of information, like books and computer programs and musical scores, that source is an intelligent agent. It is logical to conclude that the source of information in living things is likewise intelligent.
Pg 62 -64
The most important Scripture about creation teaches us not about the historical details but about the meaning of creation. … “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God . All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.”.
In the beginning was the Word – Is that true or false? Is it fact or pious platitude? I find that many intelligent people, even devout Christians are amazed to be asked such a question. They are taught to assume that “in the beginning was the Word” belongs to the category of religion, and so it is a kind of noncognitive utterance to which evaluative terms like ‘true’ and ‘false’ do not apply. …
…There is an unacknowledged creation story that is at the root of all secular learning which is the precise opposite of John 1:1 in every way. You will probably never hear this creation story told forthrightly at Harvard or Berkley, because to state its elements explicitly would be to reveal that it is merely one creation story and that it is possible to conceive of another. A foundational story is much more powerful when it is pervasively assumed, so that its elements are never evaluated and it appears to be an unavoidable implication of reason itself. The materialist story is the foundation of all education in all the departments at all the secular universities, but they do not spell it out. It is: “In the beginning were the particles and the impersonal laws of physics. And the particles somehow became complex living stuff; and the stuff imagined God; But then discovered evolution.”
That is the basic story of evolutionary naturalism, or scientific materialism. There was no “Word” – no intelligence or purpose – at the beginning. Only the laws and the particles existed, and these two things plus chance had to do all the creating. Without them nothing was made that has been made. The particles combined to become complex living stuff through a process of evolution that involved only chemical combinations governed by chance and natural law. God did not create man; it is the other way around. Having evolved from animals by a mindless natural process, but not having science to tell them what had happened, primitive human beings relied on their uninformed imagination to create God.
(The Right Questions is a book that I HIGHLY recommend to anyone wanting to understand how to logically and intellectually bring the “wedge of truth” into any atheistic, agnostic or evolutionary conversation.) Just those few paragraphs reminded me of the beautiful conciseness of the logic of our creation – and the existence of a force beyond our comprehension… but not so far beyond our comprehension that we can’t know Him… God.
I then picked up a new book, recommended by my Dad, “Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus – A Devout Muslim Encounters Christianity”, by Nabeel Qureshi. I read the first few pages:
Pg 21-22
I lay prostrate in a large Muslim prayer hall, broken before God. The edifice of my worldview, all I had ever known, had slowly been dismantled over the past few years. On this day, my world came crashing down. I lay in ruin, seeking Allah.
…With my forehead pressed into the ground and heart pounding in my chest, my mind scrutinized each word my lips whispered into the musty carpet…
…subhana rabbi al-ala.
Glorified is my Lord, the Highest.
“Glorified is my Lord.. who is my Lord? Who are you Lord? Are you Allah, the God of my father and forefathers? Are you the God I have always worshiped? … You are Allah the God of Islam, aren’t You? Or are You?” I hesitated, fighting the blasphemy I was about to propose. But what if the blasphemy was the truth?
“Or are you Jesus?”
My heart froze, as if indignant at my mind for risking hell. “Allah, I would never say that a man became equal to you! Please forgive me and have mercy on me if that’s what I said, because that’s not what I mean. No man is equal to You. You are infinitely greater than all of creation. Everything bows down before You, Allah subhanahu wa’tala.”
“No, what I mean to say is that You, O Allah, are all powerful. Surely You can enter into creation if You choose. Did You enter into this world? Did you become a man? And was that man Jesus? OH Allah! The Bible couldn’t be right, could it?”
As if on parallel timelines, my lips continued to pray in sajda while my mind relentlessly fought with itself. The Arabic phrase was to be recited twice more before the sajda would be complete.
Sabhana rabbi al-ala.
Glorified is my Lord, the Highest.
“But how is it conceivable that Allah, the highest being of all, would enter in to this world? This world is filthy and sinful, no place for the One who deserves all glory and all praise. And how could I even begin to suggest that God, the magnificent and splendid Creator, would enter into this world through the birth canal of a girl? Audhu billah, that’s disgusting! To have to eat, to grow fatigued, and to sweat and spill blood and to be finally nailed to a cross. I cannot believe this. God deserves infinitely more. His majesty is far greater than this.
“But what if his majesty is not as important to him as his children are?”
Whoa! I could resonate with the struggle of doubt. Nabeel’s struggle was of a different topic, but here was a seeker, like me. I loved that. And I loved that line, “What if His majesty is not as important to Him as His children are?”
Pressing on, I grabbed “The Weight of Glory” by CS Lewis and read the chapter titled, “Is Theology Poetry”. It is far too much to dictate here. Suffice it to say, it is a superb articulation of the substance of Christianity, while maintaining that mystery, beauty and glory - in all its poetry - is intrinsic to what we believe. Without it, we are bland creatures, to say the least. The beauty, mystery and glory is in the deepest character of God. Glorified is my Lord, the Highest… Indeed! What a gift to me… God was making himself very real to me this morning. What do I do with all of this confirmation of the REALNESS - the deepness - of God? I picked up “Ruthless Trust”, by Brennan Manning and read in the very first chapter:
Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for the love of it. (!)
… Trust is that rare and priceless treasure that wins us the affection of our heavenly Father. For this it has both charm and fascination. Among his countless children, whom he so greatly loves and whom he heaps with tenderness and favors, there are few indeed, who truly trusting themselves to him, live as veritable children of God. There are as few who respond to his goodness by a trust at once filial and unshaken. And so it is that we welcomes with a love of predilection those souls, all too few in number, who in adversity as in joy, in tribulation and consolation, unfalteringly trust in his paternal love. Such souls truly delight and give immense pleasure to the heart of their heavenly Father. There is nothing he is not prepared to give them. “Ask of me half of my Kingdom”, he cries to the trusting soul, and “I will give it to you!”
I just sat on the couch and cried for the love of it all!
And thus, was a tapestry of truth woven into my being! These previously unconnected truths at once amalgamated into a beautiful continuity of His profound design of, love for and favor in me! How can I not seek everything He has for me? Last year I was called to seek healing – whatever it takes. And while that continues, this year, it is clear I am called to seek a ruthless trust… wherever it leads me. As Brennan Manning says, “it requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us.”
So – God… give me courage, because here we go!
Deep is calling unto deep. I am to seek him, trust Him, to His very depths.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
I Work For God
I started, several years ago, to do my best to give every every facet of my work day to God. The several years before that I had been struggling with anxiety, comparing my work to others, feeling the heat of missed deadlines and breaking under the overload. Yet, being the performance addict I was, I tended to always think, "What's wrong with ME?". I was misinterpreting the verses that told me I could "do all things through Christ", and felt that if I were truly a "good christian", that meant I had to be the BEST employee. In my mind, "the best" employee never made mistakes, never lost her balance, always had the right answer, and could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Basically.
Impossible. I know.
But the condemnation was so prevelant, and the torment so real. It nearly did me in. Until the day, I knew that even though I had done everything the very BEST I could, it still wasn't enough. Someone didn't "like" me. Period. And for that reason, I was being "removed". All of the sudden I realized this simple fact, and stated it out loud to a mentor, colleague and friend - the one who had my back, the one who was warning me what was coming - "It will be all right. The fate of my life is in no man's hands." I shocked him. And myself. But I've never turned back from that statement.
I knew then... I didn't work for anyone on earth. I worked for God. And He alone would have the ultimate decision.
At that time, He decided that I would stay at the company, but not in that role. Since then, I've had many roles. I can say that while not all of roles have been easy - they have all been good. Because of what He has done in me. My "personal development" has all been in His design.
The times that I struggle are the times when I forget who I really am. When I lose sight that God provides for me, I fear the future state of my position. When I don't remember that my value comes from Him, I berate myself for my mistakes and fret about my reputation. When I forget that He has me right where He wants me - for HIS plan, I lose hope and feel I'll always be rejected for opportunities I think I deserve. When I engage with people and my first thoughts aren't "what does God want them to know, through me?", I find myself longing for their approval - or worse, dismissing them as not important to my work.
My work? Who am I kidding?
The company's work. AH - even there, I kid myself.
This is God's work. I work for God. He has put me where He wants me to do His work. Not just through me - but in me. Not just in me - but through me. And it's not ever about things - it's always about people.
I don't always get it, even now. After years of training. But it's getting better. Decisions were made this week that, I will admit, made a huge hole in my armor. The arrow of rejection made it through and pierced my flesh. I was momentarily incapacitated by the pain. Fear, pride, anger, bitterness - rejected, betrayed, abandoned, wounded. All of the feelings came crashing in, one on top of each other.
God is faithful - and what He has taught me was not forgotten. I removed the arrow, and laid the bloody thing at His feet. He in turn, reached out His hand and touched my bleeding flesh,
"I see you. You are mine."
He will heal me. It has already started.
I work for God. It is foolishness to the world [1 Cor 2:13-16]. I am not here to advance my position, to earn titles, or to gain reward. If I do, that is not the point. I am here to do whatever I do for God. Who does He want me to draw to Him. Who does He want to speak to through me? How can I minister His Spirit to those broken and seeking? How can I represent Jesus to everyone I encounter?
It's not easy - I miss the mark, often. But it's the best job I could ever possibly imagine! And, I have the best boss ever!
He goes before me - He has my back - He stands beside me.
Always.
Impossible. I know.
But the condemnation was so prevelant, and the torment so real. It nearly did me in. Until the day, I knew that even though I had done everything the very BEST I could, it still wasn't enough. Someone didn't "like" me. Period. And for that reason, I was being "removed". All of the sudden I realized this simple fact, and stated it out loud to a mentor, colleague and friend - the one who had my back, the one who was warning me what was coming - "It will be all right. The fate of my life is in no man's hands." I shocked him. And myself. But I've never turned back from that statement.
I knew then... I didn't work for anyone on earth. I worked for God. And He alone would have the ultimate decision.
At that time, He decided that I would stay at the company, but not in that role. Since then, I've had many roles. I can say that while not all of roles have been easy - they have all been good. Because of what He has done in me. My "personal development" has all been in His design.
The times that I struggle are the times when I forget who I really am. When I lose sight that God provides for me, I fear the future state of my position. When I don't remember that my value comes from Him, I berate myself for my mistakes and fret about my reputation. When I forget that He has me right where He wants me - for HIS plan, I lose hope and feel I'll always be rejected for opportunities I think I deserve. When I engage with people and my first thoughts aren't "what does God want them to know, through me?", I find myself longing for their approval - or worse, dismissing them as not important to my work.
My work? Who am I kidding?
The company's work. AH - even there, I kid myself.
This is God's work. I work for God. He has put me where He wants me to do His work. Not just through me - but in me. Not just in me - but through me. And it's not ever about things - it's always about people.
I don't always get it, even now. After years of training. But it's getting better. Decisions were made this week that, I will admit, made a huge hole in my armor. The arrow of rejection made it through and pierced my flesh. I was momentarily incapacitated by the pain. Fear, pride, anger, bitterness - rejected, betrayed, abandoned, wounded. All of the feelings came crashing in, one on top of each other.
God is faithful - and what He has taught me was not forgotten. I removed the arrow, and laid the bloody thing at His feet. He in turn, reached out His hand and touched my bleeding flesh,
"I see you. You are mine."
He will heal me. It has already started.
I work for God. It is foolishness to the world [1 Cor 2:13-16]. I am not here to advance my position, to earn titles, or to gain reward. If I do, that is not the point. I am here to do whatever I do for God. Who does He want me to draw to Him. Who does He want to speak to through me? How can I minister His Spirit to those broken and seeking? How can I represent Jesus to everyone I encounter?
It's not easy - I miss the mark, often. But it's the best job I could ever possibly imagine! And, I have the best boss ever!
He goes before me - He has my back - He stands beside me.
Always.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Letting Go of Control
God never loses sight of finishing his work in us. It's a comfort I am reminded of today, and take rest in. After years of encouraging people - talking to them about "letting go", about trusting and letting God take over - it is never far from my mind; my own issues I have with control. But God relentlessy pursues in His endeavour to make me into the image of His son. I don't deserve it - this masterful shepherding. I deserve to fall off the cliffs I come perilously close to time and time again.
I found this drafted email this morning and I'm reminded how much he must love me, that I have "discovered" these truths again and again and again. I have no idea when I wrote it - but I imagine it was quite some time ago. As I read the words again I am stunned into submission to His grand pursuit of my heart. How could I possibly even WANT to control my own life - any aspect of it - when I recognize how much He loves me? Control is an illusion - God's love for me is real. I just have to remember to let go of control so I can cling to His love.
"I’ve been praying a lot lately. I’ve cried out to God, silently waited to hear his voice, feel his hand, know his touch – struggled against a darkness that threatens to consume me. He listens, hears and responds. Against this looming he stands. And in the quiet, when my soul is stilled in the sanctuary of his presence and renewed by his insurmountable grace and peace, He speaks. He loves me. Everything he does for me, he does out of his love for me. Which can not be measured, it is so great – so crazy.
He honors a heart committed to him. He invites me into his dream for me, not my dream for myself – and he waits for me to say “yes” to his dream, his vision – or lets me pursue my own dreams. My commitment to either vision is a choice. A continual choice. His ways are not my ways – and how he chooses to work his dream in my life is no longer in my control once I commit my heart to him. His thoughts are not my thoughts – and when I get tired or scared or frustrated, he does not. His ways are higher than my ways - He will do things differently than I would – guaranteed. He is bigger than any problem that I encounter in the journey of his vision for me – but I have to give it to him, and trust him to come up with the answer. He may – no, will – use problems to build in me the character I need to continue in the journey.
And most of all – He loves – He loves – He loves… and he never lets me go… but to really experience his love I have to let go… of everything, and cling only to him. I don’t get to do things for myself anymore. To love like crazy – to love like he does, means I give up my rights. And he loves me enough to give me opportunity after opportunity to do so - and grow into this crazy love of his.
I am living out my salvation, that he provided, with fear and trembling – literally. I have so far to go to. It’s a daily, continual battle. But he promised he would provide for my every need. He has everything – He IS everything. I am nothing. So why do I try to take care of myself with the nothing I have, when he is everything I need – and He promises he would take care of me. Why do I think I have to take care of myself? I don’t know. But I do it all the time. And I have to be reminded over and over again… I can’t do this on my own. I am supposed to be dependant on him. I am supposed to cling only to him – to chose daily; whom I will serve… whom I will love."
I found this drafted email this morning and I'm reminded how much he must love me, that I have "discovered" these truths again and again and again. I have no idea when I wrote it - but I imagine it was quite some time ago. As I read the words again I am stunned into submission to His grand pursuit of my heart. How could I possibly even WANT to control my own life - any aspect of it - when I recognize how much He loves me? Control is an illusion - God's love for me is real. I just have to remember to let go of control so I can cling to His love.
"I’ve been praying a lot lately. I’ve cried out to God, silently waited to hear his voice, feel his hand, know his touch – struggled against a darkness that threatens to consume me. He listens, hears and responds. Against this looming he stands. And in the quiet, when my soul is stilled in the sanctuary of his presence and renewed by his insurmountable grace and peace, He speaks. He loves me. Everything he does for me, he does out of his love for me. Which can not be measured, it is so great – so crazy.
He honors a heart committed to him. He invites me into his dream for me, not my dream for myself – and he waits for me to say “yes” to his dream, his vision – or lets me pursue my own dreams. My commitment to either vision is a choice. A continual choice. His ways are not my ways – and how he chooses to work his dream in my life is no longer in my control once I commit my heart to him. His thoughts are not my thoughts – and when I get tired or scared or frustrated, he does not. His ways are higher than my ways - He will do things differently than I would – guaranteed. He is bigger than any problem that I encounter in the journey of his vision for me – but I have to give it to him, and trust him to come up with the answer. He may – no, will – use problems to build in me the character I need to continue in the journey.
And most of all – He loves – He loves – He loves… and he never lets me go… but to really experience his love I have to let go… of everything, and cling only to him. I don’t get to do things for myself anymore. To love like crazy – to love like he does, means I give up my rights. And he loves me enough to give me opportunity after opportunity to do so - and grow into this crazy love of his.
I am living out my salvation, that he provided, with fear and trembling – literally. I have so far to go to. It’s a daily, continual battle. But he promised he would provide for my every need. He has everything – He IS everything. I am nothing. So why do I try to take care of myself with the nothing I have, when he is everything I need – and He promises he would take care of me. Why do I think I have to take care of myself? I don’t know. But I do it all the time. And I have to be reminded over and over again… I can’t do this on my own. I am supposed to be dependant on him. I am supposed to cling only to him – to chose daily; whom I will serve… whom I will love."
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Appreciation
ap·pre·ci·at·ed, ap·pre·ci·at·ing.
Ever have one of those days where it seemed like no matter what you did, you felt unappreciated? Trivial things seemed to prompt my invisibility today. It started off this morning when I made sure I grabbed all of the umbrellas before leaving for our annual Memorial Day church service in the park - only to have my husband gripe, "you really think we're gonna need these?" (we didn't - the rain held off). And ended with us climbing into bed and him asking "what's the problem?", in a "what's-YOUR-problem" tone, only to fall asleep - snoring soundly - in the middle of my response. The time between was filled with similar episodes (hence the end-of-day agitation).
Sigh.
It happens to us all. And I'm reminded on this Memorial Day to make sure I try to make all military men and women, that I - we - honestly couldn't live without, feel my appreciation.
I started by thanking my son yesterday. A little over a year ago he signed on that dotted line. The dotted line that says he will fight for our freedom - to the point of death - should it come to that. He did it for many reasons. School, training, experience, a job. But I told him, to those of us who do not serve their country in that manner, we are extremely grateful to those that do. It doesn't matter the reason - we still know what it means to the rest of us.
To the thousands like him - Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. And know, that when you prepare for the worst day after day... when you see to it that nothing is forgotten, and all the details are taken care of so that we are safe, and we don't even know it... when the close calls are averted, when the daily grind includes mind-numbing repetition for action that may never come, when you are the "firewall" so nothing bad gets through and no one sees... and you feel so unappreciated - there are those of us who know, who care and think about you, who pray for your safety and thank God mightily for your service. There are those who live blissfully behind your guard who haven't a clue to the diligence, dedication, perseverence and sacrifice it takes to keep the blissfulness intact. For the blissfully unaware, let this one small solemnly-aware voice fill the gap and say - it matters what you do... everyday. And I am very appreciative for all those things you do that we don't see, everyday.
verb (used with object)
1. to be grateful or thankful for: They appreciated his thoughtfulness.
2. to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on: to appreciate good wine.
3. to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect: to appreciate the dangers of a situation.
4. to raise in value.
(Source: Dictionary.com)
Ever have one of those days where it seemed like no matter what you did, you felt unappreciated? Trivial things seemed to prompt my invisibility today. It started off this morning when I made sure I grabbed all of the umbrellas before leaving for our annual Memorial Day church service in the park - only to have my husband gripe, "you really think we're gonna need these?" (we didn't - the rain held off). And ended with us climbing into bed and him asking "what's the problem?", in a "what's-YOUR-problem" tone, only to fall asleep - snoring soundly - in the middle of my response. The time between was filled with similar episodes (hence the end-of-day agitation).
Sigh.
It happens to us all. And I'm reminded on this Memorial Day to make sure I try to make all military men and women, that I - we - honestly couldn't live without, feel my appreciation.
I started by thanking my son yesterday. A little over a year ago he signed on that dotted line. The dotted line that says he will fight for our freedom - to the point of death - should it come to that. He did it for many reasons. School, training, experience, a job. But I told him, to those of us who do not serve their country in that manner, we are extremely grateful to those that do. It doesn't matter the reason - we still know what it means to the rest of us.
To the thousands like him - Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. And know, that when you prepare for the worst day after day... when you see to it that nothing is forgotten, and all the details are taken care of so that we are safe, and we don't even know it... when the close calls are averted, when the daily grind includes mind-numbing repetition for action that may never come, when you are the "firewall" so nothing bad gets through and no one sees... and you feel so unappreciated - there are those of us who know, who care and think about you, who pray for your safety and thank God mightily for your service. There are those who live blissfully behind your guard who haven't a clue to the diligence, dedication, perseverence and sacrifice it takes to keep the blissfulness intact. For the blissfully unaware, let this one small solemnly-aware voice fill the gap and say - it matters what you do... everyday. And I am very appreciative for all those things you do that we don't see, everyday.
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